So I think I need to clarify something from my last post, "New parents, save your emotional energy with these coping mechanisms," as it's important to respond to the "Critic" with an open mind. There's no need to plug your ears, give the Critic the middle finger and avoid him or her forever. In fact, I believe it's important to listen to everyone because you never know what you'll learn. From speaking with other moms, I learned how to pack formula when I'm on the go; that it's not the end of the world if I buy jars of baby food; and that a bit of fresh air with your kid really does make a difference.
So before making a decision as to whether or not you're receiving unwanted comments, maybe try this thought process:
-Listen
-Observe if necessary (i.e. diaper changes, playing, etc)
-Ask yourself if the comment actually applies to you
-Then make a decision
Of course, it's easier said than done, but once you get the hang of it, you don't feel stressed when criticism happens. I highly encourage interacting and listening to other moms because you will learn A LOT. I don't know about other moms, but when I first had my daughter, the lack of sleep wasn't allowing me to think rationally. Sometimes a simple piece of advice (i.e. "you need 'me' time!") did (and still does!) positive wonders on me. Quite simply, everyone is entitled to their opinion — it's up to you to decide what to do with it.
Wednesday 28 March 2012
Thursday 22 March 2012
New parents, save your emotional energy with these coping mechanisms
If you're looking to save a few bucks, unfortunately you won't find that in this post! However, it is important to save your emotional energy when you come across parental criticisms.
Unless you are a perfect parent with a perfect child in a perfect world, you will face a few criticisms as a new parent. You may be told that you are worrying too much (or too little!), that you should (or shouldn't!) be following "the book" or Kid A should be developing like Kid B. I know for a fact that I have raised eyebrows when I change my baby's diaper (she refuses to lie down for this and I'm not going to stuff her in a straitjacket first!) and for not sleep training my daughter.
When others feel they need to give their unnecessary two cents, I've used the following to talk me through. I have to give credit to Dr. Sears though, the "Dr. Spock" of our generation. His article, "Handling Criticism" is a great resource — it's directed to parents with "high-need babies", yet I believe it's applicable to any mom and dad.
Consider the Generation of the "Critic": Parenting resources and baby items have significantly changed in the last 30 years. My daughter is 16 months old and diapers have already changed a bit (i.e. I didn't have the wetness indicators on NB diapers). So let's face it, if the critic is a lot older, you have to remind yourself that they're not aware of today's baby care methods.
The "Critic" doesn't know my baby: When I first faced criticisms, my anxiety level hit the roof: Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I'm not fit to be a parent! So-and-So has had a baby before, maybe she knows more than I do. But you know what? Those people don't know my baby like I do. Each baby is different and one thing may work for one and not the other. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I still doubt myself. BUT the difference is that I take the time to remind myself that my daughter is healthy, thriving and happy. What I do works for her.
It takes awhile to talk yourself out of worrying about other opinions — and I am still working on it too! — but I think as your baby gets older, you become more confident in yourself as a parent.
Thoughts?
Unless you are a perfect parent with a perfect child in a perfect world, you will face a few criticisms as a new parent. You may be told that you are worrying too much (or too little!), that you should (or shouldn't!) be following "the book" or Kid A should be developing like Kid B. I know for a fact that I have raised eyebrows when I change my baby's diaper (she refuses to lie down for this and I'm not going to stuff her in a straitjacket first!) and for not sleep training my daughter.
When others feel they need to give their unnecessary two cents, I've used the following to talk me through. I have to give credit to Dr. Sears though, the "Dr. Spock" of our generation. His article, "Handling Criticism" is a great resource — it's directed to parents with "high-need babies", yet I believe it's applicable to any mom and dad.
Consider the Generation of the "Critic": Parenting resources and baby items have significantly changed in the last 30 years. My daughter is 16 months old and diapers have already changed a bit (i.e. I didn't have the wetness indicators on NB diapers). So let's face it, if the critic is a lot older, you have to remind yourself that they're not aware of today's baby care methods.
The "Critic" doesn't know my baby: When I first faced criticisms, my anxiety level hit the roof: Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I'm not fit to be a parent! So-and-So has had a baby before, maybe she knows more than I do. But you know what? Those people don't know my baby like I do. Each baby is different and one thing may work for one and not the other. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I still doubt myself. BUT the difference is that I take the time to remind myself that my daughter is healthy, thriving and happy. What I do works for her.
It takes awhile to talk yourself out of worrying about other opinions — and I am still working on it too! — but I think as your baby gets older, you become more confident in yourself as a parent.
Thoughts?
Thursday 8 March 2012
Don't throw away useful samples!
We live in a small place, so my husband always wants to get rid of things. "These clothes don't fit — can't you use donate them?!" (What if I have another baby and my body shape fluctuates?) "We aren't going to use these coupons, I'm throwing them away." (I will gladly pass these on to someone who will use them.) "Do you have to keep your old magazines?" (Okay, so maybe I don't need to store YM and Teen People, but to the magazine junkie like myself, these are collector items!)
Before and after my daughter was born, I received countless samples from baby registry swag bags and consumer shows. These included Penaten (P.S. one little tin goes a long way!) and Similac Mom snack drinks. A week ago, my daughter woke up crying at the top of her lungs, super congested. Then a thought popped into my head: I still have an unopened sample of a baby chest rub! Out came the little tube of Aleva Naturals Breathe Easy Chest Rub. That little bit of this cream saved my night.
So lesson learned here: Keep some baby samples on hand for a little while — you never know when you'll need them. But before you try them, just make sure you check the expiry date.
Before and after my daughter was born, I received countless samples from baby registry swag bags and consumer shows. These included Penaten (P.S. one little tin goes a long way!) and Similac Mom snack drinks. A week ago, my daughter woke up crying at the top of her lungs, super congested. Then a thought popped into my head: I still have an unopened sample of a baby chest rub! Out came the little tube of Aleva Naturals Breathe Easy Chest Rub. That little bit of this cream saved my night.
So lesson learned here: Keep some baby samples on hand for a little while — you never know when you'll need them. But before you try them, just make sure you check the expiry date.
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